Asmira S.

Asmira S. was born in the city of Bijeljina 34 years ago. When she was 20 she grew old and her hair turned completely gray. She suffered traumas that will follow her for the entire life. Today she is a victim of oblivion, indifference, injustice ... This is her story.

Reported by: Mirna Mekic, BIRN Justice Report journalist

SARAJEVO – After I told him my life story, the psychiatrist told me it was the most horrific life experience he ever heard.

I was only 20 when my hell began. I lived in my house in Bijeljina with father in law, husband and two children. Daughter was only 6 months old and son was 2 years old.

At the end of April 1992, a couple of Arkan followers [Serbian paramilitary formation notorious for the war crimes they committed] broke into our house. They were like wild beasts unleashed. One after another they raped me in front my children, my father in law and my husband. My husband tried to defend me but they hit him and he lost consciousness.
I thought this was the worst that could happen to me. However, it was only the beginning.

Story from Hell

My husband was taken to a camp as forced laborer. I was imprisoned in our home with children. During those days was my 20th birthday and I wasn't even aware of it.

Soldiers came every day. Half drunk and crazy from alcohol. They were torturing us. I can't even describe what they did.

In addition to raping me, they would beat me and cut me with knife all over my body. My whole body is covered with scars. They enjoyed to take it out on us. There were eleven of us women in this same home prison and we all went through the same horror.

They found a great deal of pleasure in taking me out regularly to the frontline towards Orasje. They would throw me in front of the soldiers who were holding the line. They, dirty and drunk, would rape me again and do things to me that you can hardly imagine.

It wasn't just a sexual abuse – it was a horror, day in, day out.

It wasn't much better in the house. They even abused my children. One day they pressed my daughter's hand against a hot furnace. She screamed. I screamed as well. They were laughing hysterically.

I tried to commit suicide 3 times. Once I drank chloric acid. The other two times I managed to get and swallow a lot of pills. Each time, I thought, that was the end of it.

However, I stayed alive.

It's not easy for me to talk about this hell. I have horrific nightmares. Every day I see flashback images of the horror I went through. I can't forget it. Often I ask myself how do you live normally?
 
The worst of all was when they tried to kill my child.

They went after my little girl and said they would force her little body down a bayonet. I screamed. I begged. I asked for mercy... and then I just went into coma. When I got out of coma I couldn't recognize my own children. I couldn't recognize anyone. Anyone. Not even myself. I couldn't remember my own name.

They couldn't care less. They wouldn't even let me recover. The rape and other torture continued. Day in, day out. Night in, night out. Every day in 365 days.

I want to forget, but I can't.

Deliverance

We lived like that until April 18, 1993. That day a man came to the house. A Serb. He was a friend of the family. He bought us out for 5600 KM [2800 Euros]

He let us go where ever we want. We went to the city of Tuzla where we were placed in a refugee camp. I told no one about what happened in Bijeljina. At the time I was 21 years old, my hair turned completely gray. I was crushed. Devastated. Destroyed.

My appearance resembled that of a ghost.

However, something beautiful happened after almost a year. Up to that point I thought that nothing beautiful could happen. One gorgeous morning my husband showed up.

I stood petrified when I saw him. Immense happiness was mixed with fear that he would leave me if he finds out what they did to me. I asked myself would he want to live with a woman who was raped so many times... He didn't leave me, but he did make a promise that he will never ask me about anything I don't want to talk about.

Life in Peace

Today I am 60% disabled. Cannot find a job. I live in Sarajevo with my 2 children and my husband who is also unemployed. We eat in a Merhamet's charity kitchen.

I attend psychotherapy sessions regularly.

Doctors diagnosed me with permanent change in personality caused by torture and accompanied with heavy depression.

I receive 90KM [45 Euros] a month of social aid. Just for medications I need 250KM [125 Euros]. I cannot afford it.

In January of last year, the government sent me a notice to leave my current apartment. They told us that our house in Bijeljina is restored and that we can go back and live there.

Can you imagine, they were asking me to go back to the house where I was continuously tortured and raped?

We didn't leave. This month, 19th of May, I received another eviction notice. I don't know what to do.

(In the next 15 days they have to leave the apartment where they live. When she asked where can she go after eviction she was told to return to her home in Bijeljina.)

I don't want to set my foot in Bijeljina. Never. I am afraid I might see one of the evildoers. I am even afraid I might see them on TV.

I can barely survive, but I do dream of seeing my children as they graduate. I want to see them grow up. I want them to be happy, healthy. I want them to have their own families tomorrow - the families they will be able to support.

●25 May 2006: HO Sadake delivered urgent monetary aid to Asmira from the Fund. We are hereby asking for more involvement in this humanitarian action.
●29 May 2006: Our field worker visited Asmira S again and delivered help from the Fund.

I want to help

Note that the name and photo are changed in order to protect the witness of the Hague War Crime Tribunal.